Do you Fill In The Blanks?
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Do you remember the show jeopardy where you guess the words by "Filling in the blanks"? This is what we do everyday in life. Let me show you...
Did you complete the words "Once" and "upon"? Did you fill in the missing word in the second sentence? (Was it rumble or rock or shuffle?) In the same way, do you find yourself filling in the blanks in your conversations? Guessing the words when someone pauses or hesitates? Knowing the conclusion of a story halfway through? Our brain has the ability to recognize patterns and use these patterns to predict the outcome. For example, you don't read letter by letter, you recognize words (patterns of letters) and associate that pattern with the meaning of the word. We extend this ability to predicting other people's behavior. "I knew she was going to say that."
"I should have known he wouldn't follow through."
It helps us navigate life and avoid future disaster. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." But it also makes us see disaster when there may not be, thus avoiding possible opportunities. One client sent several requests for sponsorship to her event. When she didn't hear back right away, she "filled in the blanks". The voices in her head said:
"They're not interested."
"They didn't like last year's event."
"I'm asking for too much."
And because of this, she almost didn't follow through.
When we discussed it in our session, she identified a pattern from her childhood. She felt like an outsider, not being accepted. So "silence" to her is an indication that these people don't want to be with her: their polite way of saying they didn't want to participate and support her event.
After working through this issue together in the session, she not only felt empowered to follow up but also to invite more sponsors into her circle.
That's what happens when you break your pattern! You find the way through that you didn't see before.
As you see, we interpret responses (and non-responses) based on our past experiences. If they're good, then we see "silence" as favorable. If they're bad, then we think "silence" is a precursor to disaster. This is why one of the best negotiation tactics is silence. Chances are the other person will negotiate down just by listening to the voices in their heads. A few months ago, I was discussing a partnership with another coach. She wanted to pay me to do a healing session with her clients as part of the package she offers.
I sent her an email with my rate. The next day, not seeing any response, I felt she didn't like my rates and cut it in half!
The truth is, she was so busy that she just hasn't read the original email yet. But I could hear my parents in my head, scolding me for "asking for too much".
The same principle operates when you're inviting your client to work with you.
Look at something in your life that you can't seem to get past. Slow down and listen to how the voices in your head are "filling in the blanks". What's your personal pattern ? When you gain awareness of your patterns, you gain the power to see them next time and choose differently. Let me know if this sparks some thoughts. Reply to this email with your feedback. 🤗 Michelle Be true to yourself! PS: Launching and growing a business could be very challenging and lonely. I know, I've been there too. This is why I'm starting a bi-weekly support circle for founders and business owners who are still in the early stages of their journey. This is a space to connect, share and receive emotional support. This is not a paid membership program, but a place where we can feel safe to share and not be tied to any commitment. We will explore mindset breakthroughs, get practical tools, and close with a gentle energy boost to raise your vibration for the week ahead. If you're interested, the first meeting is on May 8 @ 12 EST / 9 PST / 18 CET. Join the Safe Space support circle here. |
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